FEAR.
Fear is the only thing that i can feel now.
its amazing how excitement can quickly change to fear. now, i am so afraid of the unknown.
a little background......
E's been showing quite a bit of interest in chemistry, he made his own periodic table (with some help in line drawings from me). it took us about 2 mths to get the table done (mainly due to my laziness). he's been reading books from the library, but i've trouble finding the book that really deals with how elements behave, and electron shells form (which i think would really excites him since he loves all things numbers).
and today.......
its the textbook season now. since i was near popular bookstore, i popped by to have a look at chemistry and physics books. chemistry books have exactly what i was looking for and physics had some of what i wanted (he's into momentum and velocity). so bought them and $64 poorer.
just now i was reading the chem book with him and he followed it quite well. and he was very interested in the other chapters too. (is it beginner interest? maybe) and i got a feeling if i teach him, he might actually get through the text.
then.......the question is, what's next??????? i really dont know and i just want to cry as i type this. what if he really can do O levels, way before his age peers. then what are we going to do? he's starting algebra and though we didnt give him questions with squares, today he came up with it on his own and wanted me to teach him. of course i didnt have time, but i know i need to get back to him soon on this as well................
i stopped teaching him primary school stuff after his kindy teacher told me he's too ahead in class and wasnt concentrating. but for our sanity sake we need to occupy him somehow, i mean i really cant be playing racing with him all day (though that would be great for my figure).
music is another problem...........
he doesnt want to practice any music at home. he does play the keyboard now and then, but its more to learn the songs that comes with keyboard. and me being me, cant be bothered to force him. to be frank i think its the reason he's enjoy going to class again. from march to jun/july hubby went with him since he has better musical ears (hahaha arent i brilliant?), anyway, hubby always made him practice and E hated it.
and i made so much noise about hubby making E practice that hubby got fed up and asked me to go to classes with him again. now he doesnt practice much but he can play very well at school. to be honest, i dont know if he plays well, since i dont have musical ears. all i know is the teacher is not standing beside him and teaching him correct keys like she does with others......so i guess that must mean he's ok.
but yamaha individual classes are for those who are min 6yrs old. but i recently found out he may be able to get into NAFA. but of course NAFA is so far. and i really like his yamaha class, at least he's with other kids and figuring out where he fits and how to fight for his rights.
what now.........
i dont want him to grow up in the company of adults. i want him to be with his age group, i want him to play with them, have friends, fight, make up and go through childhood. right now, i dont know how things will turn out.
before he was born i have it all planned out. go to good primary school, sec school, JC, army then uni. now, now i really dont know. i dont even know if he can fit in, if he goes to army. if he goes through the whole system and goes to army after JC, i think he can cope. but if he doesnt? how will he cope? it really worries me.
i am so lost and afraid now.
